How to Regain Confidence After Divorce


How confident were you before you got married? How about during your marriage? And how about now?

It takes time to regain your confidence after coming out of a destructive relationship.

Those around you may not realize how deflated you actually are. They might assume that you’re okay, you’re out of this terrible situation and you’re able to “move on.” 

Confidence comes from healing. 

It comes from recognizing the lies that may have been heaped on you day in and day out. 

It comes from recognizing what went wrong in your relationship and why.

It comes from owning 100% of your 5% 

It comes from taking one step, then another, and then another as you head into your future.

Confidence comes from remembering other times that you were confident in yourself, when something turned out and you were responsible for that.

Confidence comes from friends and family reminding you of who you are and who you’ve been and occasional boosts from pep talks by close friends who want the very best for you.

In the fall immediately after my divorce was legal, I was really struggling in having confidence in myself and my abilities to coach and create a business. 

But I also knew that in the past I had never had a problem with being confident, especially if I knew I was capable of doing something. It wasn’t until I was reviewing my 34 talent themes and saw that the 11th talent I have was Self-Assurance. The ability to feel confident in managing my own life and having the internal belief that my decisions are right.

The enormous amount of relief I had at recognizing that yes, I did have confidence at one point in my life, I just needed help inflating it again.

What are some things you can do to regain confidence in yourself?

  • Start sniffing out the lies that you’ve come to believe about yourself. The opposite of the lie is what you want to believe
  • Do something that you know you can’t fail at. Bake cookies, knit something, anything that brings you joy that you know you can do. Do something that brings you accolades
  • If you aren’t already, talk to a professional
  • Ask your friends to remind you of the things you’re good at
  • I’m a strengths coach. It’s my job and joy to help clients learn and rediscover what they’re good at so they can live life confidently

If you know someone who’s relationship status has changed how can you help them gain confidence? Remind her of who she is truly is. Give her examples of times in the past when you knew she was confident in herself and remind her that with time and healing she’ll get her confidence back.

One day at a time. You'll get your confidence back. 



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